I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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