I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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