too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
