never play flip cup with pint glasses
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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