LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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