thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You need Xanax blowdarts
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Of course I have a pirate flag
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
