Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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