Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
i think im in europe. pls send help
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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