You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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