Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
My dad just said "fuck circus"
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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