I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
