took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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