We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize