she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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