So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
