but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I think i got beer on your cat.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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