Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
