i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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