I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
