i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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