they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
