A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
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