party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
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