I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
