God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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