just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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