the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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