There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
