feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
