My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
