I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
