So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Randomize
