I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize