you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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