Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
