a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
