So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
