So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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