i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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