so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
