The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
