Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
