I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
