New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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