i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
BRING THE BAGELS
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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