Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
My vagina just clenched in fear
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
