Its about making memories worth repressing
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize