best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
