fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
