I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
