my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
