at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
