I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
