their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
its not stalking. its research.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
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