I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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