I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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