hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
