You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
