dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
