Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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