News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
You're like the curious george of whores
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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