Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
