Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
sarcasm needs its own font
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
