Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
We smell like vodka and hangover
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
