Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize